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The courage it takes to share your story might be the very thing someone else needs to open their heart to hope 

Fighting "Friendly" Fat Talk

4/14/2015

3 Comments

 
Picture
BY SARAH LECK
-- *Trigger warning* for social media comments about body size and idealizing thinness. 

It’s that time of the year again.

As temperatures rise and we become restless in our dorm rooms and lecture halls waiting for summer, college students flock to beaches and lakes to take advantage of spring break and sunny afternoons. And with these excursions comes – as one would expect in our social media-obsessed generation – a flurry of Instagrams, Snapchats, and Facebook posts that often put our bodies in the spotlight.



These photos aren’t the problem, however. As a photojournalism student, I know the importance of documenting your life – and there should be no shame in sharing your vacation photos whether you were in a swimsuit, a parka, or anything in between. 

The real problem is an unfortunate little companion that often tags along with these photos…
Fat talk.

It’s one of the topics we at Embody Carolina talk about a lot at events and trainings because yes, it’s that important – and that big of a problem. We define fat talk as any kind of comment that conveys a negative message about weight. But what do these comments really look like? And what do they do to us? 

Some of the examples we give are pretty straightforward: 
  • “Does this make me look fat?”
  • “She does not have the body to wear that dress…” 
  • “Man, he really needs to bulk up.” 

But there are other types of fat talk that are less obvious.
Picture
This picture is a collage I made out of screenshots of Instagram comments I saw during spring break. It’s also a collage of examples of fat talk.

“Wait a second,” you might be thinking. “Those comments aren’t conveying a negative message – they’re compliments!”

Let me explain. 

Even if our intentions are harmless when we tell our friend they’re a “skinny mini,” the messages we’re sending are still very harmful. 

When we say, “You’re so skinny, you’re perfect,” we’re saying that “skinny” equals “perfection,” and all other body types are somehow less desirable or right because they do not fit into that ideal.

When we say, “Give me your bod plz,” we’re sparking body competition rather than celebration within our peer group. 

When we say, “Eat some McDonald’s,” we’re suggesting that there is something wrong with the way a person’s body looks and telling them to change it, while also making assumptions about someone else’s eating habits. 

And in general, when we make any of these comments that focus on appearance, weight, or bodies, we’re sending our friends the message that they are valued only for their appearance, weight, or bodies. 

The one-time harmful message isn’t the only side effect from fat talk, however. A recent New York Times article discussed studies and surveys that showed that the more your peer group participates in fat talk, the more likely you are, too…and it doesn’t make you feel good. 

Lead by example and try these tips for cultivating a more positive online environment for both you and your friends and followers:

1.    Before posting on social media, THINK and go through the National Eating Disorder Information Centre’s mental list:

T – is it TRUE? 
H – is it HELPFUL? 
I – is it INSPIRING? 
N – is it NECESSARY?
K – is it KIND? 

2.    Ask yourself: “Why am I posting this?” Comments like, “This is so unflattering of me but I still love you” and “Tan af skinny af” serve no positive purpose – they don’t feel good to write, and they may not feel good to read, either. If your purpose is to compliment your friend, try complimenting them on something not related to their body or weight (or appearance in general). 

For example, on a picture of your friend in a swimsuit, instead of making a comment about their body, try, “You look so happy! You definitely deserve this vacation, and I can’t wait to hear all about it and catch up when you get back!”

3.    Don’t be afraid to unfollow negative accounts or people online. Your mental health is important! We’re often quick to get drop people or habits that affect our physical health -- would you keep being hanging out with a friend that never let you wear a seatbelt in the car? – but tend to overlook those that are negatively affecting our mental health. If your friend’s fat talk habit is clouding up your newsfeed, don’t feel guilty about unfollowing, hiding, or muting them. 

4.    Remember to whom you’re writing. Statistics suggest that up to 1 in 5 college students could be struggling with an eating disorder. Chances are, you’re interacting with more than a couple on social media without realizing it. Not only can fat talk be triggering for someone who has struggled or is struggling with an eating disorder, but it can reinforce negative self-talk even in those who haven’t struggled. Strive to create a safe and positive social media experience both for friends who are struggling and those who aren’t, as we could all use a little positivity in our lives! 
3 Comments
James
3/8/2016 05:24:15 pm

Theres a difference between body shaming, "fat talk" and trying to offend someone. No, not everyone is as skinny as a Victoria Secret model, that's not even a healthy body image. But the idea that you shouldn't "fat talk" because it might offend someone overweight is absurd.

Before I continue let me make a point, there's a difference between being slightly overweight and being so overweight it's unhealthy. It's important to note what a realistic, healthy body is.

If you are commenting on someone's page "You're skinny can I be you" to someone completely healthy, that is 100% okay. You are positively reinforcing their healthy lifestyle, which they are clearly proud of (because they posted it to Instagram).

Your issues seem to stem from the idea that "fat talk" is self-deprecating and seems to offend overweight people. If you're a healthy person commenting on the photo, it's not self-deprecating. It is simply acknowledging other healthy lifestyles.

Now what if you're not healthy? What if you're slightly overweight? What if you're seriously overweight? You seem to imply there is body shaming in this context with "fat talk". That's not a bad thing, and hear me out.

Only a small number of the overweight population of Americans have an eating disorder or medical condition in which they become overweight. Body shaming in that context is wrong, they can't help it and struggle with it.

But a larger majority of people are overweight by choice. By lifestyle choice. By dietary choice. By choosing to have a sedentary lifestyle. Body shaming in that context is okay. Here is why: it's unhealthy. If you are actively choosing to have an inactive lifestyle and that is causing weight issues then that is your fault. So what if someone is offended? They're harming themselves. There is no discussion about what makes a healthy lifestyle and body, it's science. You are either helping your body by how you live or harming it. Those are indisputable facts.

It is illogical to enforce the idea that all body shapes are healthy. They're not. You can try and enforce the belief that all body shapes are attractive (even though that can be scientifically disproven based on evolutionary inherited predispositions that being overweight means a lower chance of survival and therefore humans subconsciously find overweight people less suitable mates i.e. less attractive). But enforcing that 'obese is beautiful' encourages apathy against proactively being healthy.

That is not only harmful to the person receiving that message, because they will continue living that unhealthy lifestyle, but to society as well. In our advanced technological age, kids are being less and less active at younger ages. Sedentary lifestyles are starting earlier. America is the most overweight country in the world. This is not okay, it is not healthy. I understand you're trying to help those who have felt offended, but you are actually harming them in the long run.

If someone smokes cigarettes, you would encourage them to quit. You would talk about the risks of cancer and future harm they are causing their body. You wouldn't quit telling them that because they got offended. "You mean I could actually get cancer, how are you going to tell me that? That's so offensive, I don't want to hear that." It would be ludicrous for you to tell them that that is healthy when they are clearly hurting themselves. There are many similar side effects with an overweight lifestyle: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, lower life expectancy, diabetes, the list goes on.

In conclusion, it is offensive to body shame someone with a disease or disorder who can't help their weight. There should be nothing wrong with encouraging healthy living. France recently imposed laws that require fashion models to take physicals to ensure they are not too skinny and are healthy. That is a great idea. It promotes being healthy on both ends of the body spectrum. That is the type of lifestyle we should promote. Talk to your doctor about what a healthy weight is for your body.

People are more than free to live how they want, but don't get offended because of a lifestyle choice that you control. Don't expect others to censor themselves to make you feel better about yourself. There are pleasant lies and unpleasant truths. Which are you really encouraging?

And one final note, the experiment from the NY Times article you mention has obvious flaws. If you pair a subject with two people they don’t know, the subject will immediately try to assimilate to the group. It’s human nature because of our intrinsic need to be a member of a group. If the group starts talking about “fat talk”, of course the subject will join in, simply to feel part of the group for that moment. If the group started talking about college experiences, the subject would join in too. Not because they agree with the topic but because of the need to feel that they belong.

Reply
Megan
3/9/2016 08:28:13 am

James,
The idea conveyed isn't that we ought to censor our comments so we don't offend someone overweight. The idea is that we shouldn't draw so much emphasis on our bodies period. Whenever someone posts a picture of them on vacation, and happen to be in a swimsuit, why does there have to be a flood of comments only towards their body? Can we not think of any other comment that's not making their body the central focus?

The biggest flaw in your argument is how 'commenting "You're skinny can I be you" when someone is perfectly healthy is %100 okay.' Just because someone is skinny, doesn't mean they're healthy, and vice versa. You don't know if that girl posed on the beach in that instagram got her 'hot bod' from her healthy balanced relationship with food and exercise, or from a serious mental illness. As being a past sufferer of an eating disorder, I can say from experience that the positive comments and compliments towards my body on my pictures are what pushed me further into the depths of the illness. When your 'hot bod' was obtained from starvation and overexercising, those compliments aren't "reinforcing their healthy lifestyle" they're reinforcing harmful and disordered behaviors. Just because someone appears healthy and fit, doesn't indicate they are. That's why there are so many sufferers of eating disorders that go unnoticed, because it's not always obvious from the outside.

Nowhere in this post did it say "obese is beautiful" or insinuate that being overweight is okay. Nowhere does it say a sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy eating is okay. They aren't trying to protect the feelings of overweight people- they're trying to protect the feelings of normal, average, healthy bodies. There is nothing in this article that even suggested acceptance or approval of being overweight or obese. The concern isn't about offending overweight people, it's about offending and sending the message to the majority of people, with a normal average weight, that they are inadequate and have less worth.

This isn't about fat acceptance, Embody doesn't try to promote fat acceptance- it's about body acceptance. Embody works to teach people that we are more than what we weigh, or how our bodies look. They advocate that a healthy mental relationship with food and exercising is what matters. Way too many people eat healthy, exercise regularly, and be physically healthy but do it for the wrong reasons, which is not mentally healthy. When we're praising only one specific body type, the problem isn't we're excluding overweight bodies as beautiful, we're excluding every body shape in between.

Two individuals can be the same height, weight, and fitness level as each other, but one of may fit into society's ideal, and the other may not. This is because all bodies have different bone structure, and distribute muscle and fat differently, but when we only exalt one body type we're depreciating every other healthy body that's not in the same shape. Bottom line is that praising people for being "skinny" sends the wrong message that they are being accepted by others for how their body looks, when we should be able to focus on something other than our body.

Reply
Reality
3/8/2016 06:06:14 pm

Please watch South Park Season 19 Episode 5 "Safe Space". The real world is not going to be so nice. People need to grow up.

Reply



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